Emotional Parents with Non-Emotional Kids

written by Stephanie Zetah 6/3 Emotional Projector

It's easy to get distracted and assume having Solar Plexus definition ( emotional ) is extra hard. It's also too easy to assume not having Solar Plexus definition ( non-emotional ) is extra hard. The only extra hard problems a design has to contend with are the not-self themes that can take hold if one is not honoring the signatures of their particular designs. This is what destroys relationships and really messes up children.

For the past 6 years I have worked with families and young adults who had Emotionally defined parents ( emotional ) and Emotionally open children ( non-emotional ) .

There is a theme to be aware of; and that is the feeling of instability for the non-emotional child.

Us emotional folks need to be aware of the fact that we are foreign to non-emotional people. They believe we are unstable, unpredictable and our emotionality we can make them feel uneasy—even small ones! This is what I have learned from non-emotional children and 20 somethings. They're right though, we are all of those things and we can easily bring lots of uneasy energy to all of our non-emotional relations no matter what we are feeling. We're not the problem though. Our waves of highs and lows are meant to be all of those things but without judgement from our non-emotional folks in our lives. This contrast in emotionality wouldn't be the problem it is today if we were raised with this understanding of our differences.

Our non-emotional children need to be taught that it isn't personal, that nothing is wrong with mom and dad and that their strong emotionality is perfect. Kids need to understand that from the lows come the fun highs but, it's bound to cycle over and over—never ceasing. One young adult shared a memory of her childhood starting her mornings sitting at the kitchen table. When she and her non-emotional brother heard their mother descending the staircase they would say to each other; 'I wonder who she will be today?'.

Mom had no idea the kids felt this way.

We cannot begin to relate to each other but we can cultivate our awareness of how this works for each other and begin to normalize, expect and accept our differences.

One child of an emotional parent admitted to lying often, just about little things, because he was afraid it would set mom off. Now mom wasn't outrageous when she was upset but even a little bit of an emotional wave can make a child feel unsafe. He didn't grow up learning about the differences he had with mom or how the way she operates is correct for her and his feeling her waves is correct for him. He wasn't given the tools of how to cope with what he was feeling from mom until he was nearly a teenager. That fear of exciting the emotional wave in mom was ingrained and will take diligence to unravel.

Half of the population is emotional and the majority of the population do not understand what this means for our society. So far, every family I have worked with where 1 parent is non-emotional and the rest of the family is emotional, that non-emotional parent has a clinical diagnosis of bi-polar. That parent was never taught that their psychic gift is to feel the emotions of others and instead, took them on as their own emotions. This leads to addiction and relationship problems that can be quite severe. Imagine feeling all kinds of intense emotions that come out of nowhere, not understanding why they are there—no wonder anti-depressants are all too common today.

From Hope to Pain and Back Again

This is the perfect cycle that lasts for life for every emotional person.

Cool and Stable with gentle undulating emotional waves.

This is the perfect way of being for the non-emotional person. Big emotional waves from emotional folks are upsetting for non-emotional people. They can easily misinterpretation emotional folks. One adult visiting our home witnessed a heated ( not a fight ) discussion between myself and my emotional partner. We speak loud, we're impassioned and when the discussion was over I asked the non-emotional friend to share what he was feeling. He said he was waiting for us to have a physical fight. Both my husband and I were shocked to hear this and assured him we weren't even close to such a transgression. Emotional folks, especially parents, need to be aware of this constantly. We need to take care of our non-emotional friends and children by checking in with how they are feeling when even subtle wave emotions arise. They may not feel like big emotions to us but to our non-emotional people in our lives, it can feel unsafe, scary and huge.

Our non-emotional children need to be reminded of this gift they have constantly. Even if all family members are non-emotional, half of the general population is emotional and kids need reassurance of what they are feeling is not to be afraid of. They need tools to deal with it in healthy ways instead of lying, avoidance and substance abuse.

If you are an emotional parent with a non-emotional child, teach them about your differences asap. Ask them if they are feeling scared, worried, excited etc. daily. Show them how what they may be feeling correlates to what you are feeling. When big emotions arise, assure them that although it feels unstable and scary, to you it is a lesser emotion and both feelings are ok and correct. Your differences are your gifts. Let your non-emotional child have time away from you and any emotional person— they need space to ground into who they actually are and what they are actually feeling. They can't do this when they are constantly around emotional people. Ask your child if they notice how different they feel inside when they are alone compared to when they are around emotional people. This is the first step in developing the life-saving skill of awareness. After time the child will understand and separate what comes from others and what is truly themselves. It's the ultimate gift of health for a resilient future.